


Deals

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, This was written when I was twelve, and i'm not very proud of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-17 11:26:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2307971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam knows that he's really not supposed to have imaginary friends at his age. Especially imaginary friends who happen to be the Queen of Death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deals

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So, this is my first attempt at a mainly angst-focused one-shot. Hell, this is my first attempt at a one-shot! But of course my first attempt into angst would be in the Supernatural fandom.
> 
> This also fills my need for someone to actually like Sam, and not treat him like crap. Let's be honest, Sam needs a friend like that. Also, Adam is with the Winchester family, for no reason other than I like him. It doesn't seem obvious in this fic, but I do.
> 
> Obligatory Disclaimer: I don't own it, or else it wouldn't be so misogynistic and female characters would be alive a lot more.

Sam Winchester hasn't smiled since he was twelve. Not by choice, even if there was precious little to smile about in his life. However, once he was rendered incapable of expressing joy (even false joy- not that she had ever told him that was included), he realized just how hard it was to get through life without smiling, and nobody noticing.

Adam, Dean, and John. The only family he had left. And the people he'd sell his soul for. Not that he actually sold his soul- just his smile.

He remembered that fateful day in June, when he'd been all of twelve, and his older brother's heart had stopped. He and Adam couldn't sleep through the night.

That night, in the motel room, he had summoned her for the first time ever. Usually, she showed up at random. He had even once believed that she was a simple figment of his imagination, an invisible friend. And then she told him the truth- that she was the Queen of Death, and technically the King too, when she chose to appear male. She was the person who decided who went to Heaven, and who went to Hell. Or at least, when the others had a soul that's destination wasn't completely obvious, she was the one who decided. He was told that this happened quite often, especially in cases like with hunters.

"I'm probably going to be called in to judge your dad and brothers when they die, too. Unless, you know, they make a deal or something. I'll probably judge your soul too."

When Sam checked online, he found that his invisible friend was in several religions, listed under several names.

"Just call me Lucianne. I like that name."

How he'd managed to attract the interest of a super-powerful deity was beyond him. She said something about wanting to see him for herself, and being attracted to his soul, and he wasn't sure if she knew she kept alternating between English and some other language that Sam knew wasn't even close to any English language ever.

He was sure that his family would kill her, then him for daring to be friends with her, if they ever found out about their friendship. So Sam talked to her in the middle of the night, usually. Sometimes she appeared when he was alone and dragged him off somewhere. Once they went to India during the monsoon season and danced in the rain on rooftops, rain that came in quick bursts lasting for seven to eight minutes, then receded into the sun that dried them off quickly, only for it to rain again suddenly with no warning. Another time, she'd grabbed him to go watch as Venice flooded. They sat, two ten year olds (well, sam was), eating some kind of Venetian street-food and looking to all the world as if they were simply waiting for their parents to come get them. Lucianne was in love with water (something to do with life and death and there she goes, ranting in english and that unknown language).

Yes, for the Queen (and sometimes king) of Death, Lucianne was rather oddly fascinated by life. Of course, she defined life as the capability and knowledge of inevitable death, but whatever, if that's how she wanted to define it, it wasn't like Sam cared.

And then came the day that Sam learned exactly what Lucianne meant by life being death. And the day that he decided that Lucianne's definition of life was wrong.

Seeing his brother, believing he was dead, that was the most horrible feeling in the world.

So that night, in the motel room, with Adam and John sleeping in there, collapsed from worry, Sam sneaked out.

And summoned the Queen of Death.

She popped right next to him, took one look at him, and ask, "What's wrong?"

And Sam said, "Life." More specifically, Dean's.

And then, a bit of an argument, whispered so they wouldn't wake anybody up

I want to make a deal with you

I want you to make sure that Adam, Dean, and John won't die until they're happy, accepting, and want to.

A bit of negotiation

I can sell my soul. That's how these things work, right?

It's my own choice. I want to do this.

Okay. Take my smile, in return for my family's safety.

And then he sold his smile to the Queen of Death, who took it and left.

She was back again on Tuesday, and took him to see the Statue of Liberty, both of them standing on the torch and looking over the artificially lit city, enjoying the quiet view. Lucianne had done something to them, as Sam felt no wind, nor was he cold. After hours of silence she took him back to his motel room and he turned, and said, "Thanks, Lucy."

And Lucianne (no, lucy), turned and said, "You've never called me that before."

"I'm sorr-"

"No, I like it. See you… Sammy."

She vanished before he had a chance to reply. And then on Friday, when he couldn't sleep and was staring at the roof of yet another crappy motel room: "I found an absolutely amazing pastry shop in Russia, let's go!"

The visits were less common, but still as warm and affectionate as ever, even ten years after the deal and almost seventeen since they had first met.

And then his father died.

Sam, terrified, angry, and confused, summoned his friend away from his brothers, for the second time in his life.

"My dad… what happened… he's dead… didn't come back…"

He registered himself falling into Lucy's hug, and her comforting rubbing on the back.

"Sam, your dad sold his soul for your brother. Went directly to hell. I had no jurisdiction."

Sam felt himself crying (why couldn't lucianne take his tears instead of his smile), and Lucy wiping the tears away.

"Can you… at least… help… in any… way?" He asked in desperation.

"I can…" Lucy squeezed her eyes shut and took a breath. "I can't do anything. This is in the jurisdiction of Heaven. But… if his soul escapes Hell somehow… I give you my word that I'll do everything I can to pull him into Heaven with your mother."

Sam didn't even hear the first part. He just heard Lucy's promise to pull him into Heaven.

When the Devil's gates were opened and John escaped, Sam saw him ascend upwards and knew Lucy kept her promise.

And dimly, Sam hoped that Lucy could do the same for Dean. (sam shouldn't have died that was stupid at least lucy put him directly in heaven)

When Dean, four months past his death, appeared on Sam's doorstep, the first thing he did was freak out because Lucytoldhimshecouldn'tdothiswhatdidthiswasitatrick-

And it wasn't. It was an angel.

An angel who smiled about as much as Sam himself, and Sam was physically incapable of doing so. Adam, predictably, freaked out just as much as Sam at Dean's arrival, but rather than Sam, who instantly disliked the angel, Adam freakin loved the thing for pulling his brother out of 'perdition'. Sam, on the other hand, knew that now, with an angel around, Lucy couldn't talk to him. Could she still help them, keep them from dying? Still sit there, by Sam's bed when he couldn't sleep, snarking and then grab him and pull him halfway across the world to some pizzeria or aquarium or something. He loves his brothers, but they didn't know as much about him as Lucy.

The angel, whose name was Castiel, liked Sam even less than Sam liked him. Well, Castiel didn't seem to like anybody. He randomly dropped by (a bit like lucy), randomly pulled them to places (also a bit like lucy) and gave them orders (not like lucy at all).

The first person from Sam's life who got introduced to Lucy was Ruby, a demon who seemed to think she could charm Sam into working with her, and seemed to forget that Sam had Adam and Lucy to rely on. She meets Lucy during the four months Dean is dead, and Adam is out, trying to drink away his grief, and the only thing keeping Sam from doing the same is Lucy talking to him quietly and reminding him of places they'd been to together, and keeping the shattered pieces of him glued firmly together with her own spirit and also telling him that if he vanished down a bottle she'd break it over his head.

In walks Ruby, all seduction and smiles, and out she walks, minus a demon knife and a host. Sam wonders when it was he memorized an exorcism.

And then an apocalypse looms and Sam desperately does the last thing he can think of, and that's shoving the demon knife right into Lilith.

The only problem is that that was exactly what Heaven and Hell wanted.

Out comes Lucifer. Lucy tries to stay with him as long as she can without anybody knowing (sam leaves dean and adam and finds lucy and luci), but Lucifer invades his dreams, somewhere Lucy can't go.

And then Dean and Adam see the end of the world and all of a sudden they want Sam back, and then they tell him what they saw. And then Adam said

"And he was smiling! I almost didn't recognize it- I mean, I don't think I've ever seen you smile!"

Sam freezes, wondering if they had caught on to something being wrong with him (adam was seven when he made that deal, just seven) and then another part hits him. Sam's body isn't incapable of smiling, it's his soul.

People get short with him, Adam stops looking up to him, Dean wants to forget the fact that they were brothers (so much for family), and Lucy's the only person who cares about him right now and keeping him sane. Castiel has no time for him, and that's okay. Adam and Dean can have the angel on their shoulder, because Sam has Death at his back. (or at least death's queen.)

Then things start happening, and it turns out that Ben is in fact Dean's son (bound to happen) and gets possessed by Michael and Sam takes Lucifer and together they jump and dimly Sam notices Lucy take Ben's soul to heaven (not part of the deal but he supposed she could do what she wanted) and sees her reaching out to him and the hole shuts before she can get anything. Dean will take care of Adam, he always will.

Castiel pulls his body out of the cage. He neglects to get his soul. Oh well, it wasn't like Castiel actually cared what happened to him, it was just for Dean's and Adam's sake.

Apparently his soulless self can smile. He was right. Apparently that was how Adam and Dean knew it wasn't him. (he would pretend that didn't hurt.)

Torture in the cage was horrible, but then he recounted the people he loved and who loved him back. His mom (maybe), Dean (maybe), Adam (he hopes), Lucy (he thinks), wow this list is woefully short he needs a new coping mechanism.

Sam remembers all the things that he did with his brothers and Lucy, and that is a good coping mechanism.

Then he gets pulled out of his cage by Death, and forgets the torture.

Then he's forced to remember again by an angel named Castiel who never like him anyways and wanted to get at his brothers.

And then Castiel opens Purgatory, becomes God, and then Dean gets the idea that binding Death is a good thing (sam wasn't about to play with death but sam's voice hasn't counted for years.)

Death calls Lucy to remove the binds and she looks at Sam's little broken family (just him and adam and dean) and takes off the bonds. Before she leaves, she looks him in the eye and says, "I hope you're happy." Dean and Adam think she was talking about them getting Death bound to them. Sam thinks she was talking about the deal.

Dean dies again, taking Castiel with him, and Adam just cries and Lucy tells him that she can't even tell where he is and she has no idea what's going on and she's freaking out and she thinks he went directly to Heaven (if he went to hell demon's would talk), because that's the only explanation she can think of. He was in Purgatory.

Sam stands awkwardly to the side as Adam and Dean have a rejoicing, tearful reunion. He feels like an outsider in his own family, but he's always felt like this. Dean is the good son, Adam is the determined son, and Sam is the son who ran off. At least he has Lucy, a sort of older sister who drops by when she can and cheers him on.

The Leviathans are set free, and Sam sits and watches as they tear down everything around him, and kill Bobby, and Lucifer gets louder in his head and then he almost dies. And even in the hospital, unable to sleep because Lucifer is dancing there, Dean doesn't care about him. As long as he's breathing (save him or kill him, huh) he's fine. Doesn't matter that his sanity is hanging by a thread. Dean leaves for something or the other (he couldn't be bothered to figure out what) and Adam stays. Lucy bursts through the door, and Adam is the second person in his life to meet her.

"Hey, you're that person who broke out Death!" He points at her. She ignores him and turns to Sam.

"What's he doing?"

It didn't take a genius to figure out what she was talking about. (sam vaguely recalls scoring genius levels on an IQ exam but that was a lifetime ago.) "He's looking through the medical dictionary. Says he's… um…. Narcissistic Personality Disorder or something…" He croaks out.

"Who, Lucifer?" Adam asks in horror. Lucy rolls her eyes.

"No, Twilight Sparkles. Sam, give me your arm."

Sam complies. She looks over it, noticing a (normally) fatal scar on his wrist, and tells him sternly, "We'll talk about this later." (lucifer said he'd bring him back to life but sam was always too curious for his own good.) She murmurs something in Higher Enochian (and sam thought only archangels and god spoke that), and suddenly Lucifer vanishes. "He's not gone for good, but I've taken as much of it as I could."

She turns to Adam, and does the move Castiel does all the time. She just knocked him out and wiped his memory. Sam thinks he should be more concerned about that than he is, but he thinks he likes having Lucy in his life and if keeping his brothers from knowing about her would do so, he supposed he will. It's wrong though, robbing Adam of his memories without his consent, and if Sam ever recovers, he'll be extra nice to the kid.

And then it's been almost twenty years since Sam made his deal, and about twenty-seven since he met Lucy and about twenty-five since he realized she was not imaginary. And this year, Dean and Adam almost found out.

It had started innocently, with Sam clacking away at his laptop and Adam cleaning his guns, Dean trying to curb the MoC induced blood thirst, and Castiel who-knows-where. And then Adam asked Sam, "Hey, Sam? Have I ever heard you laugh?"

Smile wasn't all he was robbed off. (lucy said he couldn't express joy.)

"Of course you have, Adam." He has, he probably just doesn't remember it (seven, just seven).

Dean looks sharply at Sam. "Actually, now that I think about it, when was the last time you smiled?"

Sam shrugs. His mind supplies the answer. June 15, 1995. Unless his soulless self counted, and then it was two-ish years ago.

"No, seriously. You always sit there with the same expression glued on your face. Can you smile?"

Adam was getting too close to the truth. Sam sighed and leaned back. "There's not much to smile about right now, is there?"

Adam narrowed his eyes. "You're not answering the question."

"Why wouldn't I be able to smile?" Sam ask in annoyance. (i sold my smile, he answers his own question)

Even in Heaven with his soul with Jess, his smile was still being used to protect Dean and Adam. Even in Heaven, he couldn't smile.

Speaking of Heaven, he wondered if Lucy had any influence up there. The memories he had when they all went to Heaven had nothing to do with her, thankfully enough.

"Sam, I've never seen you smile." Adam presses.

"Maybe it was the demon blood Azazel decided to 'share' with him." Dean mutters darkly from the corner and Christ can't Dean just let that go already, it was almost thirty years ago and he had no control over it.

"Maybe it was." Sam agreed.

"But then, why did Gadreel say all that stuff about your smile?"

Sam freezes. Gadreel said what?

"That parasite probably had no idea what he was talking about." He reassured (himself or adam?).

"He said you lost it a long time ago, and stuff."

Dean mutters something in the corner about cryptic angels. Sam wants to add that said cryptic angels wouldn't be a problem if Dean hadn't shoved them in him. (he had a right to be bitter, okay?)

Something about Dean's lack of concern over him and his right to his own body makes him want to snap. And he (almost) does. "I didn't lose it. You can't lose a smile."

"But, he has a point! I've never seen you smile except when you were all possessed or soulless."

"Then you've seen me smile."

"Not you. Only something wearing you."

"Soulless me is me." Sam deflects, but Adam picks up on it. So does Dean.

"Sam, anything you want to share with the class?" Dean asks in an almost smug tone, as if he caught him in a lie.

Sam mutters obscenities under his breath in Higher Enochian (so that was what lucy was saying) and gets up.

"You know, now that I think about it, you did lose your smile. What, did you fuck up something and someone stole it?" Dean asks again, and Sam tenses. Finally he turns around.

"I didn't lose it." He says tonelessly. "It's sold."

Then he walk out the door and storms out of the bunker, almost not registering Lucy appear near him, weaving a body out of the air.

She grabs his hand and all of a sudden they're on the Great Wall of China, looking out at the forest below them.

"I think you could use a break." She smiled at him, and he sighed in response, leaning against the wall.

"Dean and Adam almost found out."

Her smile drops form her face, and she nods. "I think we should tell them." Sam continues, looking over at Lucy. She turns to the side, tracking some bird. Then she looks at him.

"Whatever you want to do. But let's at least get some lunch while we're in China." And they go to some place with amazing potstickers, and Lucy knows when he wants to laugh and smile and does it for him, and he feels her want to apologize for taking his smile from him (but just because he can't express it doesn't mean he isn't happy).

"I don't regret it." He says to her, finally, and she nods and smiles.

However, he decides telling Adam and Dean can wait. When he comes back, they start yelling at him ("What do you mean you sold you smile?" spoilers, dean), and apparently they sent their pet angel, Castiel after him. ("I searched the entire state and couldn't find you" i wasn't in the state.)

Sam also has a talk with Death. Apparently, Death likes him (he thinks), because Lucy likes him. He also said that he could make Sam's death permanent. Sam likes that.

A few years later, Sam is the first of the three to die. He does it saving the world, yet again (but he's an idiot to think it would make dean and adam love him again). Death himself comes to take his soul, and they bring him to the trial. And like before, Lucy just smiles and says immediately, "Heaven."

It's not so lonely being the sole inhabitant of a heaven meant for three people. Lucy comes to visit every once in a while, and his favorite memories are all there. Curiously enough, him dealing away his smile is one of them. He supposes he felt so safe, it would translate to happy. And it did. He had lost count of how many times his family had almost died, only for Lucy (fate) to intervene. A bullet that just missed the heart, an asphyxiation that should be fatal, a knife wound that just doesn't bleed as much as it would. He never regretted selling his smile.

He was happy in Heaven. Lucy visited him regularly, and while they couldn't run across the world now, they just talked. She told them what was happening with Adam and Dean (they were getting drunk and killing things now). And Castiel. Castiel was there too, helping them and stuff. And then, one day, after she told him that he was willing and accepting of death, she brought Adam to him and smiled. Sam grabbed Adam and hugged him hard, and Adam hugged back hard (and it's been almost eight years since adam showed sam this much love)

Adam's favorite memories were his older brothers showing him things, Dean teaching him to shoot a gun and block a punch and which foods are the best and Sam showing him how to use the internet.

And then Dean shows up (seriously, three people in a heaven is a lot), and takes him to Sam.

"You're deal is done." She tells him, and for the first time in twenty-three years, Sam smiles.

And then she turns to leave and Sam croaks out, "Wait, Lucy!" and she pauses, and he turns to his brothers and said, "I think I'm ready to tell them now."

Lucy looks at the Heaven around them and then suddenly twirls her fingers and that fateful day in June appears, but unlike the other memories, instead of living it, they were just watching it like ghosts.

Sam knew as soon as his twelve-year-old self walked out of the motel room, what they were watching. He felt Lucy hold his hand as they watched.

"Lucianne… can you… come here please?" His twelve-year-old self asked, shivering slightly (in nervousness or the cold?)

Lucy's form, unlike angels, didn't appear immediately. Instead she seemed like wisps of colored smoke tying themselves together into the shape of a person.

"What's wrong?" Lucianne asked, sitting on the table near Sam.

"Life." Was Sam's response. "Or lack of, really. I want to make a deal with you."

Adam and Dean, who had been silent before, exploded. The memory paused, while they yelled about making demon deals, and being reckless, and shit like that.

Then Lucy spoke up. "I'm not a goddamn demon, you know."

The memory resumed.

"What? Sam, do you even know what making a deal would entail? Why?"

"I want you to make sure that Adam, Dean, and John won't die until they're happy, accepting, and want to."

"Sam, this is a big deal! Something like this… as much as I want to do it for free… well… I'll need something big…"

"I can sell my soul. That's how these things work, right?"

"No way. No. I'm not letting you do that. Are you absolutely SURE you want to do this? I can't stop you if it's your choice, and it seems I can't persuade you otherwise."

"It's my own choice. I want to do this."

"Then… well, I'm not an average crossroads demon…. I won't need something as powerful as a soul… the smallest thing I can take from you would be your smile."

"Okay. Take my smile, in return for my family's safety."

"Sam, are you sure?"

"Very."

Lucianne sighed and brought two fingers to Sam's forehead, and they saw the bright white light.

And then the memory ended.

"So… that's why I've never seen you smile?" Adam asked, tentatively.

"You were seven when I made that deal. You just don't remember me smiling." Sam said. Lucy turned to leave, and Dean stopped her.

"Wait a second. Who's she?" He asked in annoyance and confusion.

"I put you in heaven. You're crimes in hell and on Earth would have made you hell-bound if not for Sam asking me to bring you to him. If you really want to know, ask your pet angel." She disappeared.

Dean did. It was quite a spectacular argument when Dean found out that Sam's invisible friend was the Queen of Death, but Sam didn't care.

He looked back at the memories

\- dancing in the monsoon rain - showing Adam how to draw - meeting Jess - Lucy telling him stories about the moon - giving Dean his amulet - Dean and Adam singing along to some rock song -

And he smiled.

A/N: Tell me what you think! Please. I'm desperate for reviews.


End file.
